As many of my close friends know, I envision my soulmate to be an African man, glasses, works in the non-profit world, spiritual, gentle and loving, less ego, more Stedman to my Oprah.
Yesterday after toastmasters I stepped on to the subway at Bathurst Station. At that very moment a handsome African man in a grey suit walked on as well. He sat across from me and stared directly into my eyes. After a minute he smiled at me. I smiled back. A minute later he moved seats to be closer to me. Yep I thought, this is really happening, cue our theme song, shit is about to get real!
My soulmate put his hand on my arm and smiled gently… ‘do you ever wonder if God really loves us’ he asked. Um…. not really I thought. ‘Do you want to find happiness in life’? Yes, yes I do. ‘Do you want to pray and be heard by God’ he asked wistfully.
I smiled at him and stood up for my stop. “Yes I will pray tonight and I’m certain I’ll be heard, it was nice meeting you”. As the train slowed he handed me his Watchtower brochure – Enlightening Visions of the Spirit Realm.
“Jesus loves you and so do I” he said.
I froze… images of us handing out brochures in front of the ttc clouded my mind….. just us and our two kids, going door to door every weekend, lovingly meeting the neighbours, just me and my Jehovah soulmate…. nope, can’t do it.
Damn, So close and yet so far away!
Lily and I were sitting on a bench on the subway platform this past Sunday. Two uniformed TTC employees walked by, engrossed in conversation. One of the men was a chubby, black man in his late 40s’. After they passed, Lily turned to me and said “There is something about that guy I like. His spirit takes me”. I gasped and said, “OMG really? Me too”!!! I had just been thinking the same thing. “Lily… you don’t think this is astounding… that we are both connected to that guy.??? We need to go and tell him”. This became one of those moments where Lily rolls her eyes and pretends she’s annoyed, whilst jumping up and excitedly walking over with me.
“Mom – what are you possibly going to say” she asks… “why do we even have to do this”? I explained that how else are we going to end up with a TTC tale and that we couldn’t miss these opportunities. When we arrived in front of them, they looked at us almost annoyed. They were most likely expecting us to ask how we got to Yonge Street, but I launched into my speech.
“Maybe no one has ever stopped to tell you this, but you have amazing energy. There is something really special about you and we wanted you to know”. The guy laughed embarrassingly, and said “me”? He smiled and said “wow, thanks”… and then we quickly walked away. I didn’t have a whole lot left to say lol, but I felt that was enough:)
I was on the Dundas Streetcar this morning. I was sitting in a single side seat, just past the back doors. I looked up to the front and there was a very young little boy sitting in a small stroller facing me. He had to be a year and a half. He probably didn’t even talk yet. He had long brown hair that wisped around his ears, light tanned skin, and big brown eyes. He was wearing green froggy pajamas and sat motionless with a book in his hands. Our eyes met and we held each others gaze. I smiled with my eyes but wasn’t animated otherwise. For some reason we just stared at each other for at least 10 mins. He never fidgeted or made any single movement and then it happened. He put his little hand up and waved. I was taken aback and smiled. I waved back. He never smiled, but continued to stare into my eyes. We were quite a distance from each other and I hadn’t realized he was even focusing on me. Another 10 mins passed and then I reached my stop. As I moved to the door I lost sight of him for a second. Out of curiousity I stepped back and looked towards him. He was still looking directly into my eyes. He put his little hand up again and waved slowly. I waved back and then I was gone. I smiled about this all the way to work. I swear sometimes our souls recognize each other.
On Thanksgiving day Lily and I were taking the subway out to Scarborough to visit friends. The train was empty except for a young man with a shaved head and red beard. He looked over at us and I noticed he was trying to speak to me. He said “I apologize if I’m staring over there”. I noticed he clenched his jaw and twisted his neck. I smiled and said it was ok. He closed his eyes for awhile and then looked at me in agony and said, “are you ok – I should have asked how you two are”? Without saying a word, Lily and I got up at the same time and walked over to sit beside him. I’m always extremely proud of Lily, and she sat right beside him. We could tell he was in withdrawal and he was really hurting.
I asked him about what he was going through. He was making a lot of spastic movements and he struggled to tell us about his torment… He said that he had fucked up his life… destroyed his dreams… ruined everything… that he just wanted to die. I asked him a bunch of questions about rehab and recovery, and the catalyst for relapse. “It’s over for me” he said. I told him about my life… my mistakes… my rock bottom… my lowest of lows… and said, ‘it’s never over, it’s never too late, you can turn things around’.
We got off at Warden Station together… and he walked off ahead quickly before turning around suddenly and bursting out “thank you so much, you mean a lot to me”, and then Lily hugged him.
Beautiful REAL moment on the TTC.
I was riding the Spadina streetcar down to Queens Quay to see my trainer. I was busy trying to talk myself out of training when I noticed a a man in his 40’s, maybe 5’6, long red hair in a pony tail, wearing yoga pants, a big orange t-shirt and a fedora. He was struggling to get on with one of those pushable carts that wasn’t cooperating. He cursed and finally asked a woman to move over so he could sit close enough to hold it. She was a mid forties Asian woman with unruly hair and bright red lipstick. A minute later the man noticed his seatmate holding a scratch ticket. He excitedly told her “wow, once I had that ticket and I had ALL OF THE VOWELS and I still didn’t win”. She looked at him in complete silence, slowly turning her head to face straight ahead and putting the ticket in her bag. This didn’t deter him… “ya.. I had a friend win $15,000 playing that”. Again, dead silence. The woman looked down. I was sitting across from him, about 5 seats away. I felt this overwhelming frustration with her for not even acknowledging him. How hard would it have been to just smile and nod? I was too far away to naturally get into the conversation but the man was looking around intently at everyone and when his gaze reached mine I smiled. The man did a double take, and now seeing he had a receptive audience, spoke again to the woman but even louder. “You can’t win, if you don’t play”!!! Someone got off so I moved to a closer seat. Asian woman – no response. He looked to me for validation and I said, ‘you got that right! But that applies to all of life, you just need to show up”. He nodded silently, and said “True, true” .. and then reflectively went on “I gotta remember to show up”. The Asian woman looked at him and SMILED. Success.